Sex and the City, 1982
It seems to me that a lot of people at my university love the show Sex and the City. Why? Because I go to college. And who goes to college? Rich insecure white girls (and some rich, pink-shirt, flip-flop wearing white New Jersey jerkoffs who pretend to like the show so they can fuck said white bitches). So for you people who know less than I do, for all I know, "Sex and the City" is about some middle aged white women that go around and get fucked by every prick they meet on Broadway in their Manhattan apartments that they're probably paying $5,600 a fucking month for. I know this because two years ago I tried to sit through a single episode of this garbage before the Sopranos came on and left after two minutes to take a nap because this fucking show was pretty much as I described it.
All I remember from that episode is one of those old bitches said something about how great and how 'real' New York City is. I did a little research, and came across this exact quote pasted on some white girls facebook profile, because, next to fucking glue-ing their cell phones to the side of their heads, white girls can't seem to stop quoting Sex and the City. Tell me I'm wrong, you fucks.
Samantha: "I'm always surprised when anyone leaves New York. I mean, where do they go?"
Miranda: "The real world?"
Samantha: "A homeless man showed me his dick on the way here. It doesn't get any realer than that."
Now I didn't know which one is Samantha and which one is Miranda nor would I give a flying fuck if they both got run over by the goddamn F train on a Sunday morning. But a quick Google image and Wikipedia search tells me everything I need to know. Now the one who makes this pretentious fucking statement about how 'real' New York is is Samantha. Samantha is played by some bitch named Kim Cattrall.
And of course, Kim Cattrall isn't even originally from New York. She's a fucking "Anglo-Canadian." What fucking 16 year old politically correct cock-holster came up with a retarded label for some bullshit ethnicity like that? And she's like, seventy-six years old. She's too old to be making stupid fucking statements like how 'real' New York City is in the year 2006 and to be running around New York City with her pussy showing, because if she was a real New Yorker who's been around that long she would've lived through the 70's and the 80's in this city, when she would've gotten fucking owned for being a whore, rich, a whore, blonde, white, and a whore. She probably wouldn't have liked it so much back in 1978. Because if Kim Cat-whateverthefuck-rel thinks some homeless prick whipping out his dick, and probably getting an instantaneous beat down by three hundred of Bloomberg's boys for harassing a white woman in the gated community Disneyland that is Manhattan right now, is 'real,' if she had been hanging around New York City during the 70's and 80's she'd either never leave the fucking house or be begging to go back to whatever unreal fuckin' tea-drinking, faggot-smoking, bacon-eating, free-health-care-having place she came from.
So I came up with an idea. What if Sex and the City took place in 1982? Here's a storyboard.
I'm pretty sure this is how every fucking episode of Sex and the City starts. This actually isn't so bad. If I was some Mexican fuck working to make this fucking city run smoothly for the rich white cunts that parade around in Prada shoes and those big goddamned sunglasses that cover half their faces, I wouldn't mind some gratitude delivered in a four way blowjob. Of course, it doesn't matter who asked the above question, but for now we can assume it was Samantha. And of course, because the other three bitches are all about women's liberation and Sex and the City is all about proud, independent women livin' single in the big ole' city, they're all down for some greasing of the brown axle.
Okay, so our four heroins start walking to the grocery store, and the camera is on them in a frontal direction, so they're all sexy and shit and the wind blows their hair and shit. Of course, they're not dressed like it's 1982, but I ain't spending anymore time photoshopping some dykes from a show I've only watched two fucking minutes of. Note that the background city is very much like it was in 1982. In other words, that there wouldn't be four mildly attractive white women walking around without a piece or a big fucking guido or homeboy pimp in a pinstripe suit, had I not slapped their asses onto the picture using some shitty, free photoshop rip off.
So anyways, one of these cunts is gonna run into some shmuck, whether one of them knew this fuck from a while back, or had fucked him, or had thought he was cute at some fucking boutique (did they even have boutiques in 1982? more like crackhouses), and some drama is gonna start.
But the thing is, unlike Sex and the City 2006, Sex and the City 1982 doesn't haven't guys like this just walking around on the streets of Manhattan:
WRONG. The best looking white guy in New York City in 1982 was probably Woody Allen. Everyone else probably looked like a coked-out Bob Ross. You find me any fucker this good looking hanging around in 1982, let alone in 2006, just walking along the street in Manhattan, and I'll give you ten fucking dollars.
In Sex and the City 1982, the prick that comes up to those four fine ladies is probably gonna look more like this asshole:
CORRECT, motherfuckers. This guy will probably be a little more hardcore than Samantha thought was "real" when that pussy homo only showed her his penis. This fuck means what he says about eating labia. And maybe Samantha and her gang of dykes will agree to this shmuck's offer and take him back to their massive apartment that they're paying $350 a month for, or maybe they'll tell him to go fuck himself. Either way, this jerkoff means business, and in 1982, Bloomberg's boys ain't in ready supply. And thus the conclusion to our episode.
So there you have it, an entire episode of Sex in the City, 1982, in it's totality of 3 minutes and 13 seconds. I can't say that I wouldn't want to watch this shit. It might make for some fucking entertaining television. NYC doesn't get any more real than that! LOL! Fuck Kim Catrell and Sex and the City, and all their pretentious fucking comments about how great a city this is when they all grew up on fucking Conneticut farms. Well, there go my chances with any white broads.
All I remember from that episode is one of those old bitches said something about how great and how 'real' New York City is. I did a little research, and came across this exact quote pasted on some white girls facebook profile, because, next to fucking glue-ing their cell phones to the side of their heads, white girls can't seem to stop quoting Sex and the City. Tell me I'm wrong, you fucks.
Samantha: "I'm always surprised when anyone leaves New York. I mean, where do they go?"
Miranda: "The real world?"
Samantha: "A homeless man showed me his dick on the way here. It doesn't get any realer than that."
Now I didn't know which one is Samantha and which one is Miranda nor would I give a flying fuck if they both got run over by the goddamn F train on a Sunday morning. But a quick Google image and Wikipedia search tells me everything I need to know. Now the one who makes this pretentious fucking statement about how 'real' New York is is Samantha. Samantha is played by some bitch named Kim Cattrall.
And of course, Kim Cattrall isn't even originally from New York. She's a fucking "Anglo-Canadian." What fucking 16 year old politically correct cock-holster came up with a retarded label for some bullshit ethnicity like that? And she's like, seventy-six years old. She's too old to be making stupid fucking statements like how 'real' New York City is in the year 2006 and to be running around New York City with her pussy showing, because if she was a real New Yorker who's been around that long she would've lived through the 70's and the 80's in this city, when she would've gotten fucking owned for being a whore, rich, a whore, blonde, white, and a whore. She probably wouldn't have liked it so much back in 1978. Because if Kim Cat-whateverthefuck-rel thinks some homeless prick whipping out his dick, and probably getting an instantaneous beat down by three hundred of Bloomberg's boys for harassing a white woman in the gated community Disneyland that is Manhattan right now, is 'real,' if she had been hanging around New York City during the 70's and 80's she'd either never leave the fucking house or be begging to go back to whatever unreal fuckin' tea-drinking, faggot-smoking, bacon-eating, free-health-care-having place she came from.
So I came up with an idea. What if Sex and the City took place in 1982? Here's a storyboard.
I'm pretty sure this is how every fucking episode of Sex and the City starts. This actually isn't so bad. If I was some Mexican fuck working to make this fucking city run smoothly for the rich white cunts that parade around in Prada shoes and those big goddamned sunglasses that cover half their faces, I wouldn't mind some gratitude delivered in a four way blowjob. Of course, it doesn't matter who asked the above question, but for now we can assume it was Samantha. And of course, because the other three bitches are all about women's liberation and Sex and the City is all about proud, independent women livin' single in the big ole' city, they're all down for some greasing of the brown axle.
Okay, so our four heroins start walking to the grocery store, and the camera is on them in a frontal direction, so they're all sexy and shit and the wind blows their hair and shit. Of course, they're not dressed like it's 1982, but I ain't spending anymore time photoshopping some dykes from a show I've only watched two fucking minutes of. Note that the background city is very much like it was in 1982. In other words, that there wouldn't be four mildly attractive white women walking around without a piece or a big fucking guido or homeboy pimp in a pinstripe suit, had I not slapped their asses onto the picture using some shitty, free photoshop rip off.So anyways, one of these cunts is gonna run into some shmuck, whether one of them knew this fuck from a while back, or had fucked him, or had thought he was cute at some fucking boutique (did they even have boutiques in 1982? more like crackhouses), and some drama is gonna start.
But the thing is, unlike Sex and the City 2006, Sex and the City 1982 doesn't haven't guys like this just walking around on the streets of Manhattan:
WRONG. The best looking white guy in New York City in 1982 was probably Woody Allen. Everyone else probably looked like a coked-out Bob Ross. You find me any fucker this good looking hanging around in 1982, let alone in 2006, just walking along the street in Manhattan, and I'll give you ten fucking dollars.
In Sex and the City 1982, the prick that comes up to those four fine ladies is probably gonna look more like this asshole:
CORRECT, motherfuckers. This guy will probably be a little more hardcore than Samantha thought was "real" when that pussy homo only showed her his penis. This fuck means what he says about eating labia. And maybe Samantha and her gang of dykes will agree to this shmuck's offer and take him back to their massive apartment that they're paying $350 a month for, or maybe they'll tell him to go fuck himself. Either way, this jerkoff means business, and in 1982, Bloomberg's boys ain't in ready supply. And thus the conclusion to our episode.
So there you have it, an entire episode of Sex in the City, 1982, in it's totality of 3 minutes and 13 seconds. I can't say that I wouldn't want to watch this shit. It might make for some fucking entertaining television. NYC doesn't get any more real than that! LOL! Fuck Kim Catrell and Sex and the City, and all their pretentious fucking comments about how great a city this is when they all grew up on fucking Conneticut farms. Well, there go my chances with any white broads.
posted by The Last Real New Yorker at 10:41 AM
4 Comments:
them wrinkled ass bitches couldn't get a nigga dick hard if they was the last white women on the last train to brooklyn on the last day of rape week.
Hmmm.. Although I loved the show, I would be interested to read your black chicks SATC, 2006 :-D
lol i've lived here since 88 and i'm always the gentrifying cracka in some ghetto neighborhood. but i liked it that way. you are 100% correct. this city sucks now! i miss the good old days when i couldn't leave my house without bringing a shank or a piece or a hammer slung under my belt down my pant leg.
Where did you find it? Interesting read fkk sauna club berlin
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