The Homofication of New York
When I got on the M104 in Whitemanhattan this morning and about twenty motherfucking white, faggot-artist-looking, "rebellious" types - the flip-flop wearing, guilty rich college kids who only listen to bands who have names that begin with the word "The," motherfuckers who would suck each others dicks so they could prove they weren't homophobes even though nobody was fucking saying that they were in the first place, I was thinking that I was going to write a post about the different things that piss me off about the white Ross and Chandler jerkoffs that are slowly infecting every single motherfucking space of this big city, and how much this city is changing. But instead, I've decided to be very specific about the way this city is changing: it's becoming motherfucking Homo. Now I don't mean homo in no 'damn I can't walk two feet south of Houston street without some prick grilling my dick bulging through my Nike shorts' way but in that this city is becoming fucking silly, soft, pussy, whatever the fuck you want to say, gay in the way little kids sitting on the stoop laugh and say 'damn, that shit's gay' when Kareem shows up with rollerskates when all the other kids have low rider bikes or when Joey rather hang out with his bitch than run a fullcourt with his boys so they gotta go watch Nacho Libre - that shit is straight up gay.
Lemme clarify for you dumb motherfuckers. Imma use two different movies to illustrate the difference between Gay and gay.
The difference between this shit is so motherfucking obvious that I feel like I'm gonna throw up just looking at that shit on the left. That shit is Gay X 200, goddamn it. That shit make Brokeback Mountain look like a motherfucking tough Robert Duvall and Clint Eastwood movie where they are running up on some Indians, cracking they .45s and busting Sitting Bear's fucking head right open all and leaving his brains all over his teepee, then fingering his hot Native American bitch's pussy, played by motherfucking Salma Hayek. Some manly shit. And 'Eating Out?' I bet motherfucking Richard Simmons, Elton John, Jake Gylenhaal and the whole motherfucking staff of Gay Anal-Sex With Hairy, Sweaty, Muscular Homosexual Greek Men Films Production Company in the gayest motherfucking section of the gayest city in California on the gayest day of the year couldn't have thought of a gayer or more disgusting fucking name for a movie than that shit, besides "Sucking Greasy Dick." That shit is G-A-Y. Now Daredevil, on the other hand, if you and your boys went to go sit through that shit at the movies, and paid the 12 dollars in Manhattan or 4 dollars in the Mexican hood for this fucking trash, one of you is gonna, without fucking question, say twenty minutes into watching Ben Affleck pretending he has a motherfucking career, 'Man, this some gay shit,' and start talking on your phone to your bitch and walk the fuck out. In other words, this shit fucking sucks.
But Im'ma get back to my motherfucking point. The point is, New York City is becoming gay. Daredevil gay. So lemme introduce the signs of:
As I said, I got on the bus this morning. That brings me to my first point. A lot of why New York City is becoming straight up fucking gay has a lot to do with how it fucking looks. So lemme show you these photos here. For those motherfuckers who have been in New York for a while, or even live in this city currently, you may recognize this motherfucking vehicle:
It's a normal fucking bus. This shit may be ten years old. They had these shits around back before my mother was pushing my ass around in a stroller to go to C-Town on Main Street. For most of you this shit is second nature. It's a normal bus. It looks like a motherfucking bus. It does what a bus does. It transports motherfuckers who don't feel like being crushed under waves of white jerkoffs at rush hour on the subway during the fucking summer, motherfucking caucazoid people who don't want to be 45 seconds late for the opening of Starbucks. I like sitting in the back and looking at breezies in their seethrough summer dresses, in the air conditioning. I don't give a fuck if it takes an hour - the bus gets me where I need to go. Here's another bus.
Eyo, you may axe, why the fuck am I showing you pictures of buses? Lemme say this. Pictured above is what a motherfucking bus is supposed to look like. This thing may be a little newer, but on first glance one would say to himself, "That, my good man, is a bus, and I am sure it does as a bus should do, namely, transport motherfuckers." So what if it's got a little curves on it. This ain't the fucking 80s no more, the MTA's got to get with the times. But recently, in 2004, the city unleashed a new line of "Hybrid" buses - an electric or some shit bus designed to save energy so guilty rich white college motherfuckers don't feel so bad about causing global warming and hurting starving African children - because we all know starving African children are gonna stop starving if we stop motherfucking global warming. Anyways, the first time I seen this new motherfucking Hybrid bus, I said, this does not look like a bus is supposed to look. Take one look at this shit and you know something is wrong with the motherfucker. Tell me I'm wrong, motherfuckers.
Those big motherfucking windows, that big motherfucking lump on the roof. Maybe this is a bad example. Unless you've seen these things in person, you ain't gonna stop and go, man, that bus look like it's motherfucking mom was addicted to motherfucking crack or alcohol and got fuck
ed by one of those motherfuckers from the Hills have Eyes. Now I'm not gonna put up a picture of some little prick with down syndrome because that's bad karma. But Im'ma put this picture up. But if you're in New York, and you see a motherfucking vehicle that makes you stop and go, GOD DAMN, THAT SHIT LOOKS FUCKING RETARDED, you're probably looking at that bus that I'm describing. That's what I'm talking about when I say this city is becoming straight homo. How are we supposed to live up to our legacy of being home to fucking John Gotti, Juelz Santana, motherfucking Biggie Smalls, being the birthplace of hip hop and the American mafia, being one of the toughest places to be from if we got vehicles that look like they're some retarded Nepalese kid adopted by and driven by some 22 year old white college communist dyke who doesn't shave her legs and pits and eats motherfucking tofu three times a day? Fuck! That shit gay!
And more on the Homofication of New York. I'm no friend of the police. That goes without saying, motherfuckers. But lemme show you pictures of their vehicles over the years. For you fucks who have been here before 2000, you should recognize this shit.
Goddamn right it's iconic. This is the police vehicle of motherfucking fame. So many movies and TV shows show these motherfucking bad motherfuckers beating up minorities. This is classic NYC. It was almost one of the symbols just like a giant fucking apple. This shit made motherfuckers, from blacks to eses to Italians on the block respect and fear that shit when it showed up. This is the NYPD that clipped Amadou 41 times and looked like motherfucking Hollywood while doing it. This lived up to the name Boys in Blue, the NYPD, the world's biggest fucking street gang. Then they dropped this shit in 2000.
Then this:
Shit look like it's driven by a 40 year old Asian woman named Sarah Chang, motherfucker. It's a little gay, and I wouldn't be scared of this shit. It's still a little menacing, you dig, but I'd only get out the way of this shit so I don't got no Chinese bitch calling my house every day to make sure I'm up on the insurance racket and Im'ma get that penny sized scuff out her paint that only she can fucking see with her super Asian cheapo vision. Fuck that. Who the fuck buys impalas anymore? Fucking gay people and white bitches, that's who. Motherfucking gay. I seen the new car that the police are using now, that shit looks like they trying to save the environment while beating on minorities- what a motherfucking bonus.
To show you one last photo of how New York is becoming gay, Imma leave you with this picture of these new motherfucking taxis that are finding they way onto the streets of Whitemanhattan. I'm not even gonna write more than one word on the picture with my cheap photoshop rip off, you dig.
Lemme clarify for you dumb motherfuckers. Imma use two different movies to illustrate the difference between Gay and gay.
The difference between this shit is so motherfucking obvious that I feel like I'm gonna throw up just looking at that shit on the left. That shit is Gay X 200, goddamn it. That shit make Brokeback Mountain look like a motherfucking tough Robert Duvall and Clint Eastwood movie where they are running up on some Indians, cracking they .45s and busting Sitting Bear's fucking head right open all and leaving his brains all over his teepee, then fingering his hot Native American bitch's pussy, played by motherfucking Salma Hayek. Some manly shit. And 'Eating Out?' I bet motherfucking Richard Simmons, Elton John, Jake Gylenhaal and the whole motherfucking staff of Gay Anal-Sex With Hairy, Sweaty, Muscular Homosexual Greek Men Films Production Company in the gayest motherfucking section of the gayest city in California on the gayest day of the year couldn't have thought of a gayer or more disgusting fucking name for a movie than that shit, besides "Sucking Greasy Dick." That shit is G-A-Y. Now Daredevil, on the other hand, if you and your boys went to go sit through that shit at the movies, and paid the 12 dollars in Manhattan or 4 dollars in the Mexican hood for this fucking trash, one of you is gonna, without fucking question, say twenty minutes into watching Ben Affleck pretending he has a motherfucking career, 'Man, this some gay shit,' and start talking on your phone to your bitch and walk the fuck out. In other words, this shit fucking sucks.But Im'ma get back to my motherfucking point. The point is, New York City is becoming gay. Daredevil gay. So lemme introduce the signs of:
As I said, I got on the bus this morning. That brings me to my first point. A lot of why New York City is becoming straight up fucking gay has a lot to do with how it fucking looks. So lemme show you these photos here. For those motherfuckers who have been in New York for a while, or even live in this city currently, you may recognize this motherfucking vehicle:
It's a normal fucking bus. This shit may be ten years old. They had these shits around back before my mother was pushing my ass around in a stroller to go to C-Town on Main Street. For most of you this shit is second nature. It's a normal bus. It looks like a motherfucking bus. It does what a bus does. It transports motherfuckers who don't feel like being crushed under waves of white jerkoffs at rush hour on the subway during the fucking summer, motherfucking caucazoid people who don't want to be 45 seconds late for the opening of Starbucks. I like sitting in the back and looking at breezies in their seethrough summer dresses, in the air conditioning. I don't give a fuck if it takes an hour - the bus gets me where I need to go. Here's another bus.
Eyo, you may axe, why the fuck am I showing you pictures of buses? Lemme say this. Pictured above is what a motherfucking bus is supposed to look like. This thing may be a little newer, but on first glance one would say to himself, "That, my good man, is a bus, and I am sure it does as a bus should do, namely, transport motherfuckers." So what if it's got a little curves on it. This ain't the fucking 80s no more, the MTA's got to get with the times. But recently, in 2004, the city unleashed a new line of "Hybrid" buses - an electric or some shit bus designed to save energy so guilty rich white college motherfuckers don't feel so bad about causing global warming and hurting starving African children - because we all know starving African children are gonna stop starving if we stop motherfucking global warming. Anyways, the first time I seen this new motherfucking Hybrid bus, I said, this does not look like a bus is supposed to look. Take one look at this shit and you know something is wrong with the motherfucker. Tell me I'm wrong, motherfuckers.
Those big motherfucking windows, that big motherfucking lump on the roof. Maybe this is a bad example. Unless you've seen these things in person, you ain't gonna stop and go, man, that bus look like it's motherfucking mom was addicted to motherfucking crack or alcohol and got fuck
ed by one of those motherfuckers from the Hills have Eyes. Now I'm not gonna put up a picture of some little prick with down syndrome because that's bad karma. But Im'ma put this picture up. But if you're in New York, and you see a motherfucking vehicle that makes you stop and go, GOD DAMN, THAT SHIT LOOKS FUCKING RETARDED, you're probably looking at that bus that I'm describing. That's what I'm talking about when I say this city is becoming straight homo. How are we supposed to live up to our legacy of being home to fucking John Gotti, Juelz Santana, motherfucking Biggie Smalls, being the birthplace of hip hop and the American mafia, being one of the toughest places to be from if we got vehicles that look like they're some retarded Nepalese kid adopted by and driven by some 22 year old white college communist dyke who doesn't shave her legs and pits and eats motherfucking tofu three times a day? Fuck! That shit gay!And more on the Homofication of New York. I'm no friend of the police. That goes without saying, motherfuckers. But lemme show you pictures of their vehicles over the years. For you fucks who have been here before 2000, you should recognize this shit.
Goddamn right it's iconic. This is the police vehicle of motherfucking fame. So many movies and TV shows show these motherfucking bad motherfuckers beating up minorities. This is classic NYC. It was almost one of the symbols just like a giant fucking apple. This shit made motherfuckers, from blacks to eses to Italians on the block respect and fear that shit when it showed up. This is the NYPD that clipped Amadou 41 times and looked like motherfucking Hollywood while doing it. This lived up to the name Boys in Blue, the NYPD, the world's biggest fucking street gang. Then they dropped this shit in 2000.
Then this:
Shit look like it's driven by a 40 year old Asian woman named Sarah Chang, motherfucker. It's a little gay, and I wouldn't be scared of this shit. It's still a little menacing, you dig, but I'd only get out the way of this shit so I don't got no Chinese bitch calling my house every day to make sure I'm up on the insurance racket and Im'ma get that penny sized scuff out her paint that only she can fucking see with her super Asian cheapo vision. Fuck that. Who the fuck buys impalas anymore? Fucking gay people and white bitches, that's who. Motherfucking gay. I seen the new car that the police are using now, that shit looks like they trying to save the environment while beating on minorities- what a motherfucking bonus.To show you one last photo of how New York is becoming gay, Imma leave you with this picture of these new motherfucking taxis that are finding they way onto the streets of Whitemanhattan. I'm not even gonna write more than one word on the picture with my cheap photoshop rip off, you dig.
posted by The Last Real New Yorker at 2:00 PM
19 Comments:
ever since harlem got a starbucks, the city been turning gayer than a sex tape involving richard simmons and that nigga hollywood from mannequin. them american psycho white faggots with they small dogs that wear shirts gotta keep they grips off that classical nyc and step the fuck off the citys nuts, but there aint no hope for that since the mayor is allegedly a punk mark bitch that got a taste for the cock any damn how.
nice update my nigga.. we could use you over at the nigga know for the rare update if you decide to get into that technology game.
holla.
Those taxis look mad motherfucking gay.
woozie:
i long for the days when a nigga could drink some of that billy D endorsed c45 and be unable to tell the motherfucking difference between them police whips and a taxi.
Now all those city rides look like they straight outa motherfucking minnesota.
at least we don't got no trams, or trolleys, or whatever the fuck they riding in San Francisco. that shit gay. you imagine some niggas tryna look hard on the trip uptown etching the windows and shit when that little motherfucking bell goes "ding ding!" i can see them niggas hopping off that shit in they little jean shorts and vests going "Heeeeyy boyz!" and flipping they wrists. id take some soccer mom greenpeace SUVS over that shit any day, you dig
And what the fuck happened to Times Square? That place be all Disneyland and motherfucking Toys R Us! Now, I never saw it back in the day, but it seems to me too motherfucking homogenized. Where'd the Big Apple go that Mick Jagger told me to take a motherfucking bite of? Where the motherfucking maggots go?
eyo Imma do my next post on Tom. Imma steal that picture offa your website Omar, and I hope Eddie still has that niggas quotes up on niggaknow.
my nigga.. when the fuck you gonna join forces with niggaknow? you aint gotta update regular.. you just put one up whenever the fuck you feel like doing that shit.. straight up bedazzled. i'm tellin you this shit gonna be some earth shattering news.
with all this shit being blown towards niggaknow from collegehumor, Im considering being up on that shit. big Eddie Ed: what do I need to do? i cant promise dropping some shit every day, nah mean, because my internets is down at my house and i only can do this shit when im at work. get at ya boy.
my nigga, all you gotta do is drop some of that technology knowledge on these motherfuckers. plain and simple thats it and thats all. do your thing with that technology and if you up for it, i'll add you as a motherfucking contributor.
College Humor is always blazin!
That shit is true. Ever since dudes started sellin bottled water its been suspect.
nice post.
the guilty white college kid's answer = hybrid buses.
too funny cause it's too true.
manhattan is becoming a rich man's playground. they just keep us around to clean up.
for serious, mayn - and now the rich white motherfuckers moving in on bk and qnz nah mean, tryna be hip and urban all that shit coming up with gay ass names for "nabes" like SoBro for the south bronx... my niggas if some white fag college student come through the south bronx ten years ago - even some places today nah mean, saying Eyo im in the SoBro, he deserve to get bucked. for real all the artists that done come outta the bronx be getting they blood boiled at this bullshit
shortening south bronx to sobro so it can sound like soho is just homo.
although in response to the buses thing, have you seen those bizarre double buses? two buses joined together in the middle by an accordian! its the stupidest shit i have ever seen.
We've had the acordion buses in DC for years, they've been around so long they're actually becoming a rare sight here.
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We all know you got love for sucking Ed\'s dick. That\'s fucking nasty. But I guess on the plus side you get to floss the chicken skin out of your teeth with his pubes you gay fuck.
By the way.
NIGGER!
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